Ghosts from the past

Things have to end to give a chance for new ones to begin, I guess. And after we got Lirya back with us to Highever, it was like a new beginning for her. She was hungry like the wolf, her body aching for all the food she had not provided it during… maybe weeks? How long can an elf live without food and water? Whatever. She made sure to recover properly, and even if we had to wake her up in the mornings and after lunch when she always took a nap to force her to come back to the world of living ones, it was like having her with us again.
And the best news was a change in her mind. I’m still not sure if she was recovering her memories or she was stuck so deeply in the Fade that part of her mind was still sleeping, but to Kyle’s happiness, she started to call him son again. And there’s a recognition gleam in her eyes. Maybe it is just a matter of time.
Maybe she will be completely back sooner or later.

I get out of the house and look into the distance. I’m not actually seeing  anything – not that the alienage has anything interesting to look at anyway. I’m just lost in my thoughts. A gush of cold wind strikes me and I brace myself. How can my life have changed so much?
It looks as if there had been ages since I met Kyle, but when I come to think about it, I realize it has been just a bit more than two years. And in that time, my world has turned upside down. From a lone cat to a married woman. With a mother in law, a dog and … some kind of brotherly noble shem who is always looking for trouble. Oh and let’s not forget my adoptive daughter. I sigh. I don’t even know how to cope with all of this.
The wind brings now a succulent scent and that brings me back to reality. Kyle must have been cooking dinner!! I’m happy he does it. Even if I’m doing my best to learn, twenty years of surviving on scraps and junk have not taught me to perform a proper cooking, and when Kyle takes his time to cook himself the results are much better. I grin, and get back inside home.
Kyle is in the small dinning room, preparing the table, and when he sees me walking inside, he smiles and moves to hug me. I kiss his nose.
“Mmh, what are you cooking? It smells delicious”
Kyle chuckles, his face so happy I would squeeze him. “It’s not me who is cooking. It is Lirya”
And I understand the source of his happiness. Lirya comes out of the kitchen some minutes later, with a tray in her hands which smells delicious, and I can’t help but purr out of pleasure. If it tastes as it smells, this is going to be quite an experience. So I sit on the chair and wield my fork excited as a child. Kyle chuckles, and Lirya’s smile widens into a grin.
“I hope the taste won’t spoil your expectations” she jokes, but I shake my head.
“It doesn’t look so. But I’m a bit surprised. It is the first time I see you cook”.
Lirya shrugs. “I didn’t dare at first. My memories about which herbs were good for poisoning and which ones were good for cooking were a bit mixed. But now I think I remember then properly” she winks.
“Do you mean you’re not sure?” I say perking a brow. I know she’s joking, but the thought is scary. Kyle just grabs the tray and serves me a generous portion of roasted meat, another for Lirya and then he pours the rest of the food in his own plate.
“Just call a healer” he says. “I’ll be your guinea pig”, and starts munching as if there was no tomorrow. We all laugh.
This feels so much like a family…

Short after we take over the succulent dinner, Lirya excuses herself and says she has to go to bed. That spoils a bit the feeling of happiness. Not only because our family dinner time ends too soon… It’s because we know the reasons she’s gone.
She still has to perform her gatekeeper task.
When we woke her up in Denerim, she was confused at first, then angry because she felt she had to stay watching the gate and we had not allowed her to do it. It took Kyle a long argument to convince her she could wake up, at least from time to time, to stay with her family and to perform the basical life needs… Eating, drinking and so on. Even if after death her spirit surely could have continue watching the gate, we wanted her to survive. Kyle wanted her to survive. Too many deaths in his life lately.
Kyle looks at her leaving with a sad expression, and I put a hand on his shoulder to try to cheer him up.
“Now I know who did you take your cooking skills from” I say. But he sighs.
“Why?” he just whispers. “Why everybody I love has to go?”
“What can I say?” I sigh too. “I think it is the price we must pay”. I suddenly remember Dorella and Willow, and their sacrifice to save us and help us retrieve the Cousland relic. “Some people have to do it so others can continue living”.
He takes my hand and kisses it, but I already know the night has been spoiled.
“Look at the bright side”, I say. “She’s back. With us. Alive. Hey, and she cooks for us!”
The sad smile in his face is reward enough, but anyway I need to take the dark thoughts out of his head somehow, so I lean down to bite his ear.
“Last one to arrive to the kitchen will have to wash the dishes” I whisper, and run away, knowing that no matter who arrives last, we will do it together.
I arrive first, but just by a hair. As soon as I put my hands on the border of the sink, he grabs my waist and lifts me up, laughing. I kick and punch, but with no harming intentions, until he spins me to face him and I can kiss his nose.
“Are you trying to bribe me to wash the dishes for you?” I tease. He grins.
“I just want to share kitchen time with you” he says wickedly, and makes me sit on the counter to kiss me deeply. I close my eyes to enjoy the moment, and when I move my hands to embrace him better I feel something falling to the ground. Damn it. I don’t even have time to curse in loud voice. Kyle moves also without thinking (who can think in a moment like this?) and steps over whatever I let fall, which breaks with a crunchy sound.
The spell is broken. Like the dish.
I’m trying to avoid Kyle look down to the floor, but he smiles and ignores me. Leaving me sitting over the counter, he leans down and grabs the pieces of the broken dish. If he had not stepped upon it, maybe it wouldn’t be broken, but now it is beyond any repairs. He sighs.
“You know? Most of the dishes here were purchased by Lirya, when she got this house”.
I nod, suddenly feeling like an intruder.
“Maybe we should consider to move to our own house, then”
And as soon as I say it I regret it, because I know this only will cause him more ache.
Kyle looks at me as if I were talking in Anders. “Our own house? And who would take care of Lirya… specially make her wake up in the mornings?”
I sigh. He’s right, and I suddenly feel old and caged. “To think I was reluctant to have children because I didn’t want to have to stay at home caring for them…”
“But this is different”, Kyle protests. “Lirya is a capable adult, and once someone makes sure she didn’t get stuck in the Fade, she can do anything by herself. Heck, she can even come with us adventuring! She was a bard once. I’m sure she has faced death even more often than us!”.
I smile and nod, but my smile is sad. I don’t mind adventuring with friends but this?
“I bet Tahl would come too, eh? Adventuring together keeps the family close”, I joke, taking the broken pieces of the dish from his hands. “Well… at least your mom’s deep sleep doesn’t let her hear my screams when we make love”, I say, and his face blushing crimson rewards me, at least a bit.
All right, I may sound selfish, but who likes to have their mother in law living with them at home, sleeping just two doors away from the bedroom you share with your spouse?.
Those are some of the thoughts that cross my mind while I roll on the bed that night, restless and unable to get asleep. Not even Kyle’s attentions have been enough to make me fall in the Fade’s arms, but I try not to disturb him and I pretend to be sleeping when he gets up to go outside for his training time. I sigh and hug the pillow, but sleep continues being a hard mistress and I finally get up too, going to the kitchen to get a hot drink to warm both my body and my soul.
That’s how Kyle finds me, sitting on the table and sipping some chocolate, when he returns from the training time, his dark hair wet and his breath becoming steam because of the contrast between the cold outside and the warm temperature in the kitchen. He perks a brow.
“Still awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep” I sigh, sipping my drink. “Do you want a cup of chocolate too?”
He rubs his hair with a white towel. “I’d love it. It’s raining outside and the wind doesn’t help. I feel frozen”
“I had noticed”, I smile, getting up to pour some hot chocolate in a mug for him. He follows me and holds my waist while I do it, making me shiver. “Hey! Your hands are frozen indeed!”
“That why I want to warm them in your heath”, he chuckles. “So you couldn’t sleep, eh? Why?”
I give him his chocolate and let my head rest in his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I sigh. But don’t know what to reply, so I just stay silent.
He strokes my hair softly, not knowing what to say either. After all, I am the talkative one. Finally he kisses my forehead and moves towards the kitchen table, sitting on a chair to finish his chocolate.
“We should come back to bed, honey”, he says, hiding a yawn. “There’s still some time to dawn.
I nod. I take the empty mugs and put them on the sink, then I see the broken pieces of the dish and I don’t know why, I feel sad again. He takes my hand, and silently pulls, and I let him do.
Time to go back to bed. This time the chocolate and his warmth do the miracle, and I fall asleep.
But my plans to stay lazy in bed are spoiled again by dogs barking and voices speaking outside. I groan while I look for Kyle’s body by my side and groan even louder when I realize he’s not there. I get up yawning and scratching my head and recognize the voices.
“Ryan…”
The name of the shem comes followed by all the swearing I know, even some Antivan “tacos” Adri taught me when we were together at the inn. Trouble, as always. I can’t forget all the problems that damn medal of Highever brought… and the damn gate to the Fade which… well, it led to us finding where Lirya was, but has tied us to her home during all these weeks too.
Though if he’s bringing up some adventure, I suppose I can give him another chance, I say to myself, while looking for some clothes to put on and combing my hair quickly to meet the noble. Kyle is already talking to him. I suppose that gives me some time.
When I get out, still scratching my head and hiding a yawn, Ryan shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, Mari. I didn’t mean to disturb you”
“It’s okay, Ryan”, I sigh. “I… didn’t sleep well tonight, but it was time to get up” I lie. “What’s the matter? Is it for Kyle’s eyes only?”. The last question is a bit bitter. I know they’re childhood friends and sworn brothers, but I hate when Ryan’s news are supposed to bring adventures which only involve Kyle and not me. Ryan chuckles.
“Well… I guess you can look at this too, since you were involved”. He shows me a bunch of letters.
“What is this?” I ask.
“Dorella’s notes and correspondence”, Ryan says. “Since she died without heirs, I talked to my contact in Antiva to see if he could send me her research notes”.
“About the Medal of Highever” I sigh. He nods.
“That was the intention. But I found more”, he says, handing me a couple of letters.
I grab the letters, a bit confused, tossing a glance to Kyle. He already knows, or so do his eyes say. But it seems they want to play the mysterious and make me read the letters before telling me what it is all that fuss about, so I give a look at them.
I’m impatient by nature, and these letters, written with an unfamiliar handwriting, aren’t easy to read. So I jump from one paragraph to another. “That woman has betrayed me… How could I be so naïf to tell her my secrets… I don’t give a damn about where her husband is…”. I remember Dorella said she had a talented servant she tried to train in magic and I guess this is what she’s talking about. For what I understand from the letters, the woman used that knowledge to try to retrieve her husband, who had abandoned her for another woman, and that attracted the templars attention towards Dorella, causing her to leave Nevarra in a hurry. Well, and what’s the matter with all this?, I wonder. That didn’t teach her a lesson, since she had the same problem with Nada. Dorella was careless about her secrets even with us, and I guess that’s what caused her death…
And then I come to the letter Kyle and Ryan were expecting me to read, and I freeze…
“Dear Dorella
Following your instructions, I managed to find safe passage to Highever, Ferelden for your servant Serena Kent and her daughter Lindy…”
I slowly leave the letter over the table and look at both of them, Ryan and Kyle. The letter is dated in 9:07 Dragon… I guess it makes sense. Finally I break the silence.
“So what? The world is a small place and Dorella knew Lindy and her mother. Very well. What is so important about it?”
Ryan realizes the anger in my voice because he tries to appease me.
“Nothing, my dear Mari, nothing… I just thought… you…” He hesitates and I know that you only meant “Kyle” at first. “… had to know”
I snort and look at my husband. He tries not to look at me in the eye and I understand the harm is done. Why on Thedas had Ryan to come and open old wounds like that? Lindy wasn’t a shadow between us from ages… and now this…
“To know what?” I grunt. “That Dorella sent her to Ferelden? And what does it change? She’s dead!”
“Her mother was a mage”, Ryan says. “Untrained, but a mage. And she probably was too”.
“She was” I say determined. “That’s how she healed Kyle’s eye”.
“If we had just known”, Kyle says, his hand on his forehead. “Maybe she could have had proper training… maybe she could…”
…have survived, I finish the line in my mind, and even if it sounds selfish, I hate the consequences of the idea… because that means I would have never met him… or worse, he would have been already married to her when I did.
So I decide to do the only thing which crosses my mind, to get his attention back to me again, and to appease myself.
I step forward and grab my husband’s nape, to kiss him hard, a kiss born out of frustration, but also of hope and reality. A kiss to remind him about his feelings towards me.
And that works, because he only takes a fraction of a second to reply to my kiss, enjoy it and make it long and sweet.
Lindy is gone again. Her shadow can’t darken for long what’s between us. I know a small part of Kyle’s heart will never forget her, but the rest is mine. And I won’t let it go easily. She is dust now. And the future belongs to us. That’s what our kiss say, and we take our time to listen to our hearts. And when I finally step back, I think we both feel much better, the ghosts of the past gone, at least for this time.
Ryan bounces a bit, awkward, and for once he doesn’t seem to know how to get out of the mess. He starts collecting the letters again and mutters. “Most of this is magical gibberish… But but but I thought… well I need to research about that medal, because if I can find the enchantment used on it… well… we can use it to prevent…” he glances quickly at my tummy “… any harm to your children”.
I stare at Ryan for a moment, then at Kyle. Then at Ryan again.
“So… that’s what you wanted the medal for, all this time?” I ask completely puzzled. He nods. And me that I though he wanted it because of sentimental value!
“I had read about the enchantment against Flemeth. That’s what led me to the ancestors story, in first place…”. He stops a bit, then continues. “Berrygold was a powerful mage, Mari. She was the one who enchanted the medal for Regina and Sarim. But she left no notes about it… and as you remember, her spirit was too disturbed to share any information about it when we contacted her”
“That’s why you wanted Dorella’s notes”
Ryan nods again. “Dorella had the same goal. She had been living under the fear that Flemeth would come one day and possess her body… or even her children if she had any. She had devoted most of her life to research about that, so she had quite an advantage over me. And since despite her efforts, or maybe because of her fear, she had no heirs and there was nobody to claim that knowledge, what better way to honor her memory than continue studying them myself?”
I chuckle “Don’t forget to mention that was your goal from the beginning”
He smiles a bit guilty. “I didn’t want her to die that way, though. I really liked that woman”
“Since when is there a woman you don’t like, my friend?” Kyle intervenes, his green eyes sparkling amused.
“Shhhh! Don’t let Nadette know that!” Ryan hushes, laughing with us.
After the fun moment, Ryan turns serious again and takes a book from the satchel where he had been storing the letters and shows it to me. I open my eyes wide when I recognize it, despite the spots of dirt and the ruined aspect it has.
“That is…?”
“Edanhor’s journal, yes”, Ryan says. “I found it on the marsh, after we closed the gate”.
I move my hands to get it. “They told us… there was nothing left…” I mumble. Ryan lets me take it, but he doesn’t withdraw his hand.
“Mari… I would like to keep it too. I know… there’s personal stuff written there… but if I can find any clue about how he did that… trick to transfer his soul to another body, it will help me with the enchantment”
I nod and release it. “I guess it’s better if you have it”, I say, a bit sad. “It only brings bad memories”.
Kyle squeezes my shoulder and sighs.
I raise my hand to grab Kyle’s hand, grateful for his support, as always. But it is not such a big deal, actually. I almost didn’t notice when Dorella disappeared in the Deep Roads with the diary in her backpack, and I won’t notice it under Ryan’s custody either. Edanhor was a part in my life, but the less I think about him, the better.
I move towards the kitchen. “If we’re finished talking business, are you going to stay for breakfast?” I ask to our visitor.
Ryan waves his hands, looking scared, as if I were going to kill him with my bare hands.
“Don’t worry about me, dear Mari!!! Just five minutes more, and I’ll go back home! I have already stolen enough of your time”
His attitude is suspicious, and I perk a brow.
“You sure? No more secrets? Nothing else you want to plot with Kyle?”
And the two friends exchange a look and I know I have put a finger in the wound again.
I rub my forehead and sigh, using all my patience not to jump at Ryan’s throat.
“All righ. What is it this time? A surprise trip to climb the Anderfells mountains? A reception in Orlais?”. I frown at them. “Did you even plan to count on me for it?”
Because to be honest, that’s what pisses me more. I know Ryan and Kyle are like brothers, and that they have been sharing adventures since they were children. But now I am part of Kyle’s life too, and I’m tired that Ryan never counts on me… or only counts when he realizes I’m not going to allow to be left behind.
Ryan starts to stammer, but Kyle puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Of course WE counted on you, Mari!” he says, determined.
“Sure. Like when he sent you to find the damn medal of Highever without me” I mumble. “And the worst part of it is that you always do as he commands!”
Kyle scratches his head, a bit uncomfortable. He knows I’m right.
“That’s because your task was more important!” Ryan tries to appease me. Sure. The one I had to perform with Tahl.
“Next time, make sure it’s the grumpy elf the one to go alone, and let me go with my husband” I grunt.
Ryan sighs. “Mari… Tahl and you were the ones who had to go to that tomb. It was dalish territory. We humans wouldn’t have been welcome”.
I see he’s serious now, and that somehow he’s right, but still doesn’t change the fact that if I’ve married Kyle is to be by his side, not to be parted in different ways each time Ryan wants to involve us in a silly quest.
The dogs come playing into the kitchen, and their barking provide the Cousland the distraction he needed.
“Well. This time we all are going together” he says cheerful. “Shall we start preparing everything?”
“Do we have an option?” I say, cynically.
Ryan grins and takes a rolled up piece of paper from his bag. It is brittle and old, and it creeps when he spreads it over the table, but we can clearly see it is a map. After all my travels with Kyle I have some geography knowledge, and I see where he wants to lead us.
“Seheron?” I say, a bit scared.
He shakes a bit his head. “Not exactly. Look. This island”. He points at a tiny island at the far right of the big one. “Mostly unexplored, and close enough to Rivain to be a nice place for pirates to hide their treasures. We can go by ship to Antiva, take a shortcut by land and take another ship at the north of Arlathan forest. That way we will avoid the Northern Passage, in case the Qunari are in dangerous mood”.
I follow the route he’s marking with his finger and I smile. I can see Kyle’s eyes gleaming, and I must admit I’m feeling interested too. Such a long trip, so many new places to visit!
And the prize, of course.
Ryan said “treasure”. And my loot sense is already tingling.
It is not that we need the money that much. I’m not saying we’re rich, but most of our adventures have been productive enough to allow us to make a good living with our savings, or to start some kind of business. But well… for that we need to settle down, and seems we both have no intention to do that. So we can’t stop the money flowing. And a pirate treasure sounds good enough.
But Ryan… what interest has Ryan, the son of a noble home, who never lacked a copper, in a pirate treasure? I glance at him. So innocent, so excited. But I’ve already learnt to know him. He’s plotting something.
There’s something in that treasure he wants. And it’s not the gold.
“Oh well”, I say to myself. “Who cares. We’ll learn it when we’re there. With time. Isn’t adventure what we wanted?”
Ryan gets up and starts rolling the map up again. The cracking sound gets on my nerves.
“Then it’s decided! We’ll part in a week, if I get passage for a ship”. Then he turns to Kyle. “Is it okay if tomorrow we meet at sunrise to fetch some supplies?”
Kyle glances at me and then nods. “I guess so, if it is only shopping”.
“I will check our clothes and any other things we may need to carry in the meanwhile”, I reassure him. “You know I don’t like getting up so early anyway”.
Kyle gets up and kisses my forehead. “So actually you will check nothing, but just stay the morning sleeping” he teases me. I laugh.
“The temptation will be too strong” I agree. “But what if we realize we need new clothes or new weapons because the ones we have are too old or not suitable for those tropical places?”
Kyle chuckles. “We can always purchase them on the way. You know as well as I do that Antivan steel and leather are awesome… and I bet you’d look gorgeous in a Rivaini pirate outfit”
I purr. The idea also appeals to me. Maybe a short shirt and tight trousers, leaving my waist naked. Kyle would protest if I wore that out of the house, of course… but feeling his hands in my bare waist… brrrr! I shake my head to take the thought away and smile wicked to him.
“Then even better. I will wait for your return in bed, so you better hurry”.
And the way he returns the smile to me shows me he’s thinking the same I do.
Ryan starts bouncing from one foot to the other, scratching his nape, and I can see our conversation is making him nervous. He excuses himself.
“Well… I… I think it’s time for me to leave” he stammers. “Come on, Nero!” he calls his mabari, who reluctantly stops playing with Nelson, and they both leave. Nelson whines a bit by our side, but soon something else catches his attention and he runs barking happily out of the kitchen, maybe to chase a bird or just to scare the neighbours. Happy dog’s life. And he’s contagious.
I turn to Kyle. “Well. Alone at last” I say, stroking softly his chest over the shirt. “Maybe we can take a bit of time for us before waking up Lirya?”
He growls in his throat and I am sure that he agrees. Good.
In less time than I can even react, he’s already kissing me and pushing me towards our bedroom, pulling my clothes away, while I try to do the same with his, in the rush the flame of our desire causes us.
“You should tell Ryan never to come in the morning” I pant in his ear. “He steals too much time from us in the bed”. He chuckles.
“I think no time in the day would be good for him to come, then”. His mouth leaves my skin a moment enough to say this, then it returns to nibble my ear. “Besides, this is an excuse as good as any other to rip your clothes away”, he purrs there, arousing me immediately.
It’s amazing how I never get tired of his hands, his kisses, his body. Every single time we make love is different. As in a different universe, our bodies meet for the very first time, again and again. The thought somehow crosses my mind as my body shakes in an uncontrolled climax, and when I collapse in the bed, I know that means our love will last forever.

I’m now lying on the bed, my head conveniently resting in the socket of his armpit, licking his ribcage just for the fun, when he turns at me, obviously disturbed by the tickles.
“What are you up to, you mischievous minx?” he says, seeing my smile.
“What makes you think I’m up to something?”
“You’re making a cat face…”, he chuckles. “That means you have dirty thoughts”.
I grin now.
“I was thinking our love will be eternal. Like the one in the stories”
“Did you have any doubt about that?” he laughs, turning to lick my ear. I struggle a bit, just for the fun.
“Of course I didn’t!”, I laugh too. “But I wanted to let you know you’ll have it hard to get rid of me”. I jump over him and sit astride his hips, making it clear I am ready for a second session.
“You greedy one” he whispers in my ear. But I can feel in my buttocks he’s more than ready too. “Maybe eternity won’t be enough to satiate you”
“Never”, I agree.


And in the afterglow, as usual, I realize our story has no ending. It is fun, because most love stories finish when the couple gets married… And for us, that was hardly the beginning!
But, to be honest, no story has an ending. It just needs a moment to stop telling it, because it becomes too much of a routine, too boring. But not ours. Maybe, when one of us is gone, the pain will make it to hard to continue telling it. Maybe, if we go together, people behind us will fall to do it. But I know that, as long as we are together, our story will continue being worth living it.
I look at his profile, at his calmed features, and I know my heart will belong to him forever. If there’s a life after this one, I know our souls will be together there. We will find a way.
I know he is my only reason for living. I think about all the things I’ve given up for him, and I know I wouldn’t be able to do it for anybody else. And I wonder what would happen if I he left me… Would I accept it and leave too? Or would I mourn him every single day? Probably both.
Probably…

The gatekeeper

The Fade.

Lirya looked around, recognizing the place at the very moment she opened the eyes. Actually, she didn’t even need to look at it. The fact that she had recovered her memories was enough to tell her she was dreaming.

They said only mages could visit the Fade in dreams and be aware that they were dreaming. There was even a name for them, “Somniari”. But she knew that was not true. At least not for her, though of course magic was involved. Since lyrium had been infused in her body, she could travel the Fade like the realm of the living too.

It was no blessing, though. Even if recovering her memories meant she remembered her beloved son, all the terrible memories of her past were there too, and she knew she was happier without them, awaken. Sometimes she wondered if her amnesia was caused by the Lyrium, or her mind was wiser enough to block the torture, the pain and the humiliation when she was awaken.

Even remembering Kyle was painful; because that made her aware of his sorrow and the way he missed his mother. That was the reason she left, and even if she took that decision awakened, her asleep self approved. Even not remembering having loved that boy the way a mother does, her heart ached when she saw him looking at her like a lost puppy, longing for a sparkle of recognition in her eyes… a recognition which never would come back.

So now she just watched him and his wife from afar in her dreams, happy to see her little baby having turned into such an awesome, brave and generous man. She knew he could feel her in his dreams too, and that had to be enough.

She walked slowly. Distances in Fade had no meaning, so she really walked out of habit, to do something, to trick her mind into being in a real place. The magic realm allowed her to feel the minds of many people, but the person she was looking for kept hidden from her touch. She was aware she wasn’t dead, but somehow she couldn’t grasp her sparkle, and she suspected it was because the woman was under some kind of magical protection.

So when she saw the figure standing almost in front of her, she wasn’t surprised. Nor scared. Though she stepped back a bit. One never knew when a demon was going to try to trick you, in the Fade.

“Who are you?” she asked.

The figure smiled at her. It was a warm, honest smile. Lirya tilted her head. Those were the most dangerous of all.

“You don’t know me, but I’ve been watching you”, he said. “Since the time you got stuck in the Fade… in that torture room”. He was, or had been, a male human, in his early 20s it seemed. Average height, blond, curly hair, and bright blue eyes, with premature wrinkles around them which showed it was a natural cheery person. The eyes, though, were sad. Lirya sighed. The spirit of a dead person. The Fade had a good amount of these… People who were lost, who didn’t know they were dead, or, in the worst of cases, which had departed leaving something unfinished, and needed to do it before they could take their next step.

“Why you watched me?” she asked. “You don’t need me. You must go ahead. Leave the Fade behind. Lucky you, you can do it”

The young man smiled. “I don’t need your guide. But you may need mine”

Lirya frowned. “What do you know about me?”. She didn’t want to lower her ward. It could still be a demon. Then she raised a brow. Blonde hair. Arrogant smile. When she left, her son used to hang around with a blonde guy… He was only thirteen that time… but if he had grown up to become a man, he could very well have grown up to look like the one standing in front of her. "I think… I have met you before?"

He only nodded. She shook her head, confused. Finally the name came to her mind. Seth. Seth Hammond. "You… are a spirit?".

"As you are in the fade", he said. Then he added. “But unlike you, I don’t belong to the living ones anymore, if that’s what you mean”

So he was dead. Poor Kyle had lost his closest friend too. Lirya’s heart ached a bit more. "And why have you stayed here?"

"My duty. It seems being dead doesn’t mean I can move on like others do to the Golden City"

"You have a pending task?" she asked.

The young man lips curved in a sad smile. “No. But you have”.

Lirya blinked. “I do. But why should you get involved?”

"Oh, they asked me to do it!"

"They? Who?"

"A higher authority… I can't say more". Seth smiled again, and Lirya knew she wouldn’t get another word from him.

I wish we could have made a stop at home on our way back to the fade portal in the marshes, but everybody seems to be in a hurry and the most I can get is a night in an inn close to the Dalish campsite, since there’s no time to get a detour to Highever.

It will have to do, I think while I rest my head on Kyle’s shoulder. At least we have a real bed, and we could have a quick bath, and Ryan and Tahl are sleeping in different rooms. And Kyle is playful as always, and the thought that for a moment we almost lose each other always adds a feeling of urge to our passion which spices it up. So I can’t complain.

“So we can now close that damn gate?” I say, dreamy eyes, while Kyle strokes my hair.

“I hope so”, he says. “We have Berrygold’s orb piece, and the Medal of The Champion of Highever, which contains another piece. It’s not much, but it will have to do”

I nod, then I turn and kiss softly his nose. “So the orb is not complete? I thought it had been shattered into two pieces”

He shakes his head. “No. It was six pieces. We have found two, and Ryan thinks he can find another pair… The others… nobody knows”

“But we’re going to close the gate only with two” I say softly. “Will that be enough?”

“It will have to” he says, nuzzling my earlobe. It is clear he doesn’t want to continue speaking about it, and he has managed to make my mind go away again, so I welcome his attentions willingly.

So this is the marsh again. Feels creepier than the first time. I look around, and shiver. My hand looks for Kyle’s, but he’s not there. I’m alone, and I know it is the right thing.

I walk ahead. I know the portal, the gate to the fade I opened, is right there in front of me, and suddenly the idea of closing it sounds stupid. Why close it? I need to cross it. To go to the other side. A part of me knows it is there where I belong.

And then I hear a roar. I freeze for a moment, move my ears trying to find where it comes from. Not behind, as I hoped. It doesn’t give me a reason to run towards the gate, but that’s what I want to do… so I run, trying to reach it before the beast who has roared reaches me…

But it is too late. A huge white wolf jumps in front of me, just when I’m almost there… almost there… I stop and stare, but the wolf shows its fangs, and prepares to jump and rip my throat.

I wake up suddenly, sweating and shivering. A nightmare. And now that I’m awaken, I realize I’m more scared at the idea that I wanted to cross the gate than at the wolf in front of me.

It is still night. I turn to see if Kyle is by my side, and I sigh of relief when I see he is. No training tonight, or maybe he already came back. He takes care to get me tired enough so I don’t notice when he gets up in the middle of the night, even if I still don’t like this habit. Oh well, I bet there are thousands of things he doesn’t like of me, and he copes with them. That’s how relationships work, don’t they?

I take a deep breath and I’m about to turn back again to continue sleeping, when I hear him sobbing faintly. I raise my head and look at his face closely. There’s a single tear down his cheek, and his lips whisper “Mom…”. I sigh again, saddened. Who knows where Lyria is now, but at least she visits him in his dreams. I lean over him and wipe the tear with a kiss, then I feel his eyelid flutter and he opens his eyes to stare at me.

“I’m sorry” I whisper. “I didn’t want to wake you up”

He raises his head and pecks my lips softly. “Don’t worry. I…was dreaming”

I nod. “Lirya, isn’t it?”

He nods too.

“It probably wasn’t a dream”, I say trying to comfort him. “It is her way to tell you she still cares for you”. Since she disappeared, I add to myself. Though she could tell us where she is, so we could help her. Even if she wasn’t his mom for blood, I know where Kyle took his stubbornness from.

“She… she was saying something about the gate. She knows”, Kyle says. I frown. A memory crosses my mind like a shadow. Better not telling him my dream.

 “What did she tell to you?” I ask. He tries to remember.

“I can’t recall much. Something about not being enough…What do you think she meant?”

I shrug. I have no idea, I must confess.

He turns and hugs me tight. No words, no explanations. Just comfort.

“We will find her again” I say, returning the hug. “You’ll see. We found her once, we will do it again”

He sobs. “I saw Seth too”, he says suddenly, and for a moment I don’t know what to do. So I just continue hugging him, unable to take his sorrow away.

 Art by Savvid

The following day we don’t delay our departure to the gloomy marsh where the haunted wooden house in which Evelyn and I were kept prisoners had stood. There’s no trace of the home now, but a green glow shines in the middle of the water and we can feel the urge of strange creatures at the other side trying to get out, to invade of world. If I, that I have no magic powers, can feel that so intensely, I really can understand why Ryan feels so compelled to lock that gate. I shiver, and look for Kyle’s hand, like in my dream. This time he’s there, grabs it, and squeezes it softly. But this time I don’t hold his hand out of fear, or apprehension, as he probably thinks. No. I’m scared of my dream… and I fear, yes, but what I fear is to be attracted again to that gate. Because I don’t want to.

Ryan swallows, looks at the green spot with concern in his bright blue eyes, and I know he’s scared of the responsibility he holds. He takes a package from his pocket, unwraps it and we can see a golden medal which shines with a bluish glow. He sighs and looks at Tahl. The elf nods and gives him the crystal she has been keeping since we were in Berrygold’s tomb. I must admit I was too coward to keep it, but Tahl seemed more confident. Maybe she had no wishes to ask, so she didn’t fear that tricky thing to get into her body the way it invaded our poor ancestor’s flesh. As long as I’m concerned, I don’t want to tempt my fate.

Ryan takes the pieces and puts them together in a bowl. I watch him concentrating, until his face becomes red, but somehow nothing happens. Kyle and I exchange a glance, and Tahl snorts. Ryan rubs his forehead.

“I don’t know what has happened… it is the first time…”

Before he finishes I giggle. “Stop it, Ryan. It sounds as if you were talking about something totally different”

Ryan turns at me with a smile, but before he can reply, the water around the greenish glow starts to boil and turn red. We stare at it, already knowing something is wrong, but even before we can prepare our weapons, the heads of those horrible rage demons I fear so much start to show up. Kyle tries to push me away while unsheathing his sword, but I’m already with my daggers in my hands and while Ryan prepares a spell and Tahl shoots her first arrow, I stand by my husband’s side prepared to give my life before they take his.

We fight hard and bravely, but the demons keep appearing and I know we are soon going to be overcome. I pull Kyle’s arm trying to withdraw to a safer place, but he’s not willing to leave, even if Ryan and Tahl are stepping back too.

A quick glance around me shows the problem is the gate. As long as it is opened, demons will continue appearing through it, and they will defeat us out of exhaustion. I look at Ryan, almost begging.

“Can’t you try that spell again? We will protect you”

“There are not enough pieces”, he replies, concerned. “I was too optimistic… I though two pieces of the orb would hold the gate”.

“And now we’re going to die” Tahl mutters. “How appropriate”

But while we walk backwards, we realize the demons attention is now focused elsewhere.

Two figures come out from the gate, A man and a woman, half transparent… Spirits in the Fade. And I recognize her.

It’s Lirya.

Kyle’s jaw drop back looking at the man, though, and I wonder who he is. He reminds me a bit of Caleb, one of the newest guys at the Mabari. But he’s blonder. And younger.

And dead.

“Seth” Kyle mumbles. “Why?”

“You can see him?” I ask. I thought his amulet would avoid it, but the bond between both friends is too strong, it seems. Ryan and Tahl also stare. They both knew Seth when he was alive, and I somehow feel excluded again.

The spiritual couple is herding the demons as if they were sheep, but it seems it is not over. Lirya stays at the gate, frowning and making gestures, but the gate still trembles and moves. Seth approaches to us, with a ladykiller smirk. It is creepy, considering he has been dead for thirteen… fourteen years now.

“Kyle… Ryan…”, he says, looking at them… “And I take this is the blonde beauty I met in Antiva? You grew up well, little Tahl”, he starts. I swallow. And then he turns to me and I see the landscape behind his eyes and I don’t run away because I’m frozen in the place. “And you’re the one” he says with a smile. “The one who brought him back to life, when his only goal was revenge”. He raises a hand, and sees me tremble. “You’re scared… you shouldn’t. I’m not your enemy. I just came here to help”

“You’re dead” I just manage to mumble. He chuckles.

“Good observation. Which makes me a better target for those demons than you”, he adds cheerful.

Lirya grunts. “Stop the chatter. We need to close this gate. My magic is not strong enough”

Ryan steps ahead. “I can try to…”, but Lirya shakes her head. “Not enough, not enough… You need something more…”

“More!” Kyle blinks. “But what?”

“The other pieces of the orb?” I try to guess, but Lirya denies. “No time. The key. There should be a key…”

And suddenly I understand. “The ring!!!”. Kyle and Ryan look at me, and I rush to explain. “There was a ring… Nada kept it safe, but I found it and tried to destroy it… When I did, the place collapsed and the gate got open… Was that the key?” I ask to Lirya.

Lirya nods. She seems to have finished with the gate, but she stays close. I wonder if she’s dead or alive. What we’re seeing there is not her. It’s her spirit. And that creeps me out. Kyle walks towards her.

“Mom…” he starts. Lirya smiles sad.

“Go my child. Find that ring. With the pieces of the orb and the ring, I’m sure Ryan and I can do something.

“Where are you?” he insists. “Are you alive?”

She nods. “I’m dreaming, my child. That’s the only way I can help you. And thank you for helping me get out of the embrace of lyrium”.

I take Kyle’s hand and pull him away before we both end up crying. “We have a ring to find, love”. I don’t want to sound worried.

But I am.

I have no idea where to start the search.

Last time I saw the ring, it was falling amongst some bushes, near the now collapsed house where Evelyn and me had been kept prisoners of the crazy mage. Taking it out the home definitely destroyed it, but I guess the ring kept its powers somehow. Maybe someone able to feel magic could find it better than me?

I guide the group to what I think are the right place.

“I think it was… here” I point at some bushes. “But… it also could have been there… or there…” Damn it. There are bushes everywhere. “Can you feel it somehow, Ryan?” I ask.

“Isn’t your looting sense tingling?” Tahl teases me, but I ignore her, and continue looking at Ryan waiting for a reply. Ryan sighs

“I feel like Nero. Maybe I should fall on four legs and start sniffing?”

Kyle elbows him, but we really feel helpless. Finally I move and start looking between the bushes. I was the only one here who saw the ring, and the only one who knows how small, how insignificant it was… how difficult it will be to find it in the mood.

After searching in three sets of bushes, and tempted to give up, I suddenly feel something around my wrist. When I look down I see a ghostly hand grabbing my arm and I try to withdraw, releasing a short scream. Kyle rushes to help.

“What happens?”

When he approaches, the hand releases me and disappears, and I fall sitting on the ground.

And then I see it.

A sparkle. Something metallic.

Ignoring the fear to feel that creepy hand grabbing mine, I reach for it and… yeah! The tiny, smashed silver ring. I show it triumphal to my friends.

“Got it!!! What now?”

Ryan rushes to take it and for a moment I’m tempted not to give him, and I really don’t know where that feeling came from… After all he’s got the orb pieces, why should he ask more?. Then I shake my head.

“That damn portal is putting strange ideas in my mind” I say. “Take it, please, before I do something weird”, and give the ring to him. Ryan examines it, confused.

“This was probably a seal of some kind… But I’m not sure how can we use it”, he ponders. And if he says anything else, I don’t hear it. My eyes get focused on the portal, and a voice in my head tells me there’s something I really want inside. A part of my soul, maybe. A wish coming true.

I give a step ahead, then another. By the corner of the eye I feel some movement, fuss, Ryan and Kyle trying to stop me, maybe the voice of Tahl… I’m not sure. The portal calls me, and I’m replying to the call.

And then the white wolf steps in the middle.

It makes me hesitate enough to allow Kyle to hug me, and then I realize it is not a wolf. It is Lirya.

Like in my dream.

I shake my head, and I see both Seth and Lirya blocking the door, while Kyle hugs me and kisses my forehead. “Mari, Mari! What happens? Come to yourself, my love!”

I hug him back. “I… I don’t know… The portal called me… Like in my dreams…”

Lirya walks towards Ryan and takes the ring.

“This portal is too powerful. It was created when the spell to tie both of you went wrong, and it is still somehow related to you, Mari. We need to control it, if we can’t close it”. She looks at Seth, and he nods. Then, she slides the ring in one of her spiritual fingers. The ring is too small for real fingers, but the ghostly shape of hers fits the silver piece as if it was made for her.

And then she says the words that break Kyle’s world again.

“I have to stay to keep this gate closed”

I swear I can feel his hear breaking in pieces as if it were glass.

“Mother!” he says. “No!! You… you can’t stay like this forever!!”

Ryan nods. “Your mortal body will die if you don’t return”, he agrees. “Can’t Seth do it?”

Lirya denies. “Seth has to return to the Golden City. His time here is over. And… he’s got no magic powers. I can shape the dreams… and this gate is a dream itself. It’s my duty. To become the gatekeeper”.

Kyle’s eyes are full of tears, and he doesn’t mind it. He may be a grown up man, a big big shem, but it’s his mother, the one he lost when he was thirteen… and in front of her, he’ll always be a lost child. I grab his arm, and lean my face against it, trying to offer him some comfort, but I know it is useless.

“Mother… I can’t lose you again. Not again, please” he begs.

Lirya steps a bit towards her son, and strokes his face.

“Kyle. You’re not losing me… I will always be in your dreams”

He shakes his head. I know he wants to shout “NO!”, but he has no voice anymore. Lirya then smiles tenderly and kisses his forehead.

“My son. There’s another reason I belong here. Here, I can remember you”

And with those words, I can see her shape fading slowly, at the same time the door loses its power.

Kyle falls on his knees, and I know I can’t do anything, except waiting until his pain eases.

But we all know this is the best for her. Her body was already a hollow husk. She was not herself there. At the gate, she’ll live forever.

She’ll remember forever.

We’re back in Denerim. Kyle has been trying to find Lirya’s body, of course, but he doesn’t even know where to start. Personally, I think she doesn’t want to be found. If she was, we would try to wake her up, and that would cause her to abandon the gate. Or keep her body alive. So she’s hiding.

If this Denerim looks strange, we don’t notice. I don’t even realize that when we went to bed, we were still in Highever. But when we see the white wolf, I look at Kyle and say a single word.

“Lirya”

He nods, and we both follow the wolf. It is running, but we have no problem to keep its pace. It leads us to the outskirts, and to a small hut. It stops, panting on the door, and when we approaches, it disappears, as if it had never been there.

When Kyle opens the door, we both know what we’re going to find there.

Lirya’s lying on a bed, her hands crossed over her chest, her expression peaceful. Her hair is white again, like the wolf’s mane, and I wonder if it is just an image she’s sending to us or she really stopped dyeing it in real life too. It doesn’t make her look old, though. Moreover the opposite. Like a small child. Still asleep. Still dreaming, because that’s what she is doing.

“The wolf has shown us the way” I mumble. I’m aware now this is another dream, but the meaning is clear. There’s no need to hide anymore.

Her body has stopped waiting for her spirit to come back.

Kyle walks towards her and kisses her forehead, silent tears running down his cheeks. But that’s not her anymore.

Her real self, the one which perdures, is behind him. She’s not gone. She’s here. And she will never leave him. I can see it. Can’t he feel her arms around him?. Like saying "Silly son of mine, what would you do without me?"

He didn’t even wait for the sun to show up. As soon as he woke up, he jumped out of bed and I had it hard to follow him. Even if the dream was more a “Come to give my remains a proper burial” than a goodbye, because she would still be in our dreams, he didn’t want to lose a moment to go and pay his respects to her. And I think nobody has made the road from Highever to Denerim in such a short time.

The hut looks exactly like in our dream, except that there are no wolves guiding us this time. I am left a bit behind, because even if I don’t like them, someone has to tie the horses, so I’m not by his side when he opens the door.

I rush, though, and when I enter the dark room, I see him kneeling by Lirya’s body.

Everything looks like in our dream. The bed, her shape with her hands crossed over her breasts, the white hair, the tiny ring in one of her fingers… I walk forward to touch Kyle’s shoulder, trying to comfort him, when I realize something.

Her chest.

It still moves, up and down, so softly we wouldn’t have noticed. Her body has not given up yet.

And Kyle notices too, and he grins, and gets up to kiss her face, her eyes, everything… until Lirya opens her eyes and just mumbles.

“How long have I been sleeping? I’m… so hungry…”

And Kyle’s laughter mixes with his sobbing, out of words, while he hugs her.

We know the ring will still drag her to keep that portal during the nights. But we’ll make sure she wakes up in the morning… and that she will continue. Alive. By our side.

Interlude: Whip

By Pham Ngoc Trinh

“Don’t hit him….please sir….don’t hit my son…”

High-pitched cries pierces through the night and through his heart like the sting of the whip on his bleeding back. Outside, the rain keep pouring down the roof, the intertwining branches shivers, the wind is fighting a war up in the starless sky. The man grit his white teeth hard and hold the whip up high only to swing it down heavily over and over. His face could be taken for a demon – flushes with blood thirst. The woman’s body collapse over the boy, her fingers grips the boy’s shoulder tightly, and she gave a slight jerk every time the man swing the whip down. His heart in pieces for each jerk, rage clutching at his windpipe, making him unable to breath. But the boy did not shed a tear.

“Filthy slaves, you scum should just drop dead! Ya’ hear me?”

There’s blood seeping through his shoulder and dripping down his face. The woman has fainted, unable to muster any more strength. The boy looks up. His mother’s eyes are wet with tears. He can still feel the sting of the leather on his hand, his face, his head. His body tenses up, then suddenly he get back up, completely letting the long suppressed hatred take control of him and just rush toward the man like a beast, his tiny head rammed into the man’s twice bigger torso and brought him down. Then the boy ran away, he ran into the heavy ran with the sound of the demon echoes behind his back.

Lightning split the night sky. The small figure keep running in the pouring rain until he stop and fall asleep under the old oak tree.

A reason to live

Back in the Merry Mabari, after facing my past again and realizing again there’s nothing left for me in Denerim. So many emotions in a single morning. I really need to have a bath to take all the slime out of my hair and clothes and relax.

But Kyle proposes an ale before doing anyting and I agree that it sounds also a good idea. The bath can wait.

So we sit in front of the bar and ask for beverages. I’m faithful to my usual ale. Kyle asks for wine. While we wait for them to be served, he looks at me.

“Weren’t you too harsh to that poor boy?”. He means the little thief who stole Haakan’s purse.

“We almost get killed by that thing in the pipe because of him. You can’t blame me if I was a bit upset!”

“You didn’t look like yourself”, he adds, sadly.

I agree, looking at my ale. I shouldn’t have returned to the alienage… so many bad memories… and facing again the fact that they will never accepted me there. Though climbing the Venhadhal was fun, specially seeing the faces of the Elder and the other elves when I made some of the branches fall.

“I felt ashamed of him, of myself… I wondered if I was like him when I was a kid… but I want to believe I wasn’t… If I got caught, I knew the game was over…”

“He had a sick relative”.

“And took his time to tell us. I don’t know. I look back and I know I was too cruel, but at that moment, I just wanted to jump to his throat.”

“You had been through too many things” he strokes my dirty, slimy hair. He knows I like it.

“Don’t blame yourself”.

I look at him a bit relieved.

“I don’t. Alienages are like that. But you couldn’t know it, could you?”.

He looks at his hand, now full of slime, thoughtful.

“I can. I grew up in an alienage myself”

I get so shocked to hear this that I can’t react.

“What?”

“You look cute with your mouth open”, he smiles.

For once it is me who blushes. He’s right, my jaw is down. I quickly close my mouth.

“You’re joking”

“You know me. I never joke”.

“But… in the alienage? Mallory isn’t even an elven name, is it?”

“No. I already told you I’m an orphan, like you. Lirya, the person who found me and took care of me, was an elven bard. She settled down in Highever’s alienage and raised me there. But my family name was embroidered in the blanket she found me with so she kept that name for me. If it is my real name at all”, he adds, hesitantily.

“At least she gave you one”, I sigh. “I can’t recall my family name”, I admit, sadly. “And nobody in the alienage wants to speak about what happened to my parents. Even Ser August used to change the subject when I asked him. When I found my mother’s locket amongst his belongings, he just took it back and said it was time to leave the alienage, but never gave us any explanations”.

“I’m sorry to hear that”.

“And didn’t you have problems, being a shem in the alienage?”
 
He smiles.

Kyle and Lirya, by Pham Ngoc Trinh

“A lot. I was quite a troubleseeker. But I tended to mess more with shems than with elves. And I was lucky to get the friendship of the younger of the Couslands, the family who rules there. He was like an older brother for me, and he helped me to get out of a lot of trouble. He also took an special interest into… educating me”.

 

Kyle Mallory and Ryan Cousland, by Pham Ngoc Trinh

 Oh. So that’s how he learnt his knightly, noble manners.

“And Lindy?” I ask without thinking.

“What about her?” he seems surprised by the question.

“Was she an elf too?”

He turns his attention to his cup of wine. I already regret having asked about her.

“No. She was human”, it’s his short, concise answer.

It figures. Sexy, tall and with breasts. But I don’t say that aloud.
He stays silent, looking at his beverage. You and your big mouth, Mari. Why did you have to remind him? Suddenly I feel the urge to kiss him, to take her out of his mind.

“Can I kiss you?” I ask him.

He raises his head as if I had pinched him
“What?”

“Can I kiss you?” I repeat. “If you don’t mind…”

He hesitates, but approaches his face to me, blushing as always. I take this gesture as a yes so I give him a soft kiss in the lips.

“First time you ask permission for that”, he says, while returning to his cup of wine. He’s right. But somehow it didn’t feel right to steal a kiss when his mind was so far away.

“I thought I should. You seemed to be thinking about her”.

“I was”.

“Sorry. It was my fault”, I admit.
I look at my beer myself. I’m not jealous. I can’t be, she’s been dead for more than ten years now. But my curiosity is too strong.

“Can I ask you something?”.

“What?”

“If she were still alive… if you had to choose between she and I… Who would you choose?”. He looks puzzled, so I add: “I know it is not fair… If she were alive we wouldn't have met, in first place… but I really need to know…”

He turns his attention to the empty cup again, toughtful. His green eye is shadowed and I regret having asked, but I had to spit it out. I wonder how did he look when his face was whole… before he lost his eye… He’s still handsome, but… A cruel thought crosses my mind: she has already stolen me a part of him…

“You don't have to reply if you don't want”, I say, seeing he’s taking his time. But it seems this is the line who encourages him to speak his thoughts aloud.

“Some weeks ago, in my dreams… I used to see her. In the Fade, with Nelson…”

“Nelson?”

“The mabari I got when I became an Ash Warrior. He's also dead.”

“Sorry”

“I had the feeling they were awaiting me. As if my hour were close.”
I feel a chill in my back. Maybe it was just a dream, but if we travel to the Fade when we are aslept…What if it is true that she’s there waiting for him? How can anyone fight against that?

“Do you want to know something?”, he continues, looking directly to me. “Before… before being with you… I sort of had accepted it… The idea of them greeting me when my hour arrived didn’t sound so terrible, so I was willing to face death to be by her side again”.

Nelson the Mabari And Lindy in The Fade as what Kyle had dream and meet them. Art by Pham Ngoc Trinh

 I feel tears coming to my eyes, along with confronted feelings. By one side, what he says touches me. I remember Alindra’s story and I can’t help to feel moved by such a romantic tragedy. By other side, I feel scared and heartbroken. The only idea of imagining him dead just tears my soul in pieces. I freeze.

“And…” I say, encouraging him to continue, to say something which makes me feel better.

“Then you kissed me… I mean, I already loved you… sort of… I wanted you to be happy, I loved your way to giggle, your smile, your determination…I also apreciated your company, and how you blushed when I called you “my lady”… But never thought we were meant to be together… or that you would be interested on me at all… And one day you said you were willing to leave everything behind, to start a new life, and you asked me if I wanted to be by your side… and you gave me a reason to continue living. A goal. Something… to continue ahead.”

This is starting to sound better, I think, while my heart beats a bit faster…

“And now I think that if she actually appeared again, and asked me to go with her, to wherever the dead ones go… I'd reject. I'd prefer to stay here, alive, with you, as long as we are meant to be together. I know it is not the answer you want… but is what I feel”.
It is enough for me, I think. Maybe it is not the stuff bards build legends about, but damn it, it is more than I expected. I feel much better now, even if I need to rub my eyes to make the tears go away. I realize he’s looking at me with interest.

“What are you looking at?”, I ask him.

“Why do you smile like that?”

“Like what?”

“You have a wicked smile in your face”.

A wicked smile. Maybe. My thoughts are a bit wicked now.
“Yes. Because now that I know it… if I ever see your Lindy trying to drag you away from me, I'll kick her pretty ghostly shem ass out of the Fade without any regret”.

 

Mari everyday outfit and the catfight. Art by me

He laughs quietly and messes my hair. I love hearing him laugh
“I don't doubt you would. Not at all. A catfight in the Fade… that must be a sight worth seeing”.

I laugh too. Maybe. Though I think I have already won that fight, that she won’t dare to appear in his dreams again. But I don’t say that aloud. Instead, I look at our empty jars and change the subject.

“I think it is time to take that bath and get rid of all the slime in my hair, before Haakan decides to cut it short and use it for his experiments”. I smile to him. “Shall we go?”
He blushes and shakes his head.

“I didn’t enter the pipe… I don’t need a bath. You can go alone”. He’s red all up to his ears, he surely is remembering our last bath some days ago… when I was still to dizzy to do all I had planned to do to him.

“Hey! You already bathed with me and you survived!”

“You were still convalescent. I agreed to help you. But now you are all right, you don’t need me”.

Stubborn, stubborn shem. I snort.
“Okey. I’ll go alone. But then don’t complain if I’m kidnapped by bandits on my way because you didn’t want to keep me company”.

“I would pity those bandits”, he replies.

Look at him. The one who says he never jokes. I’d kiss him again just to wipe that stupid smile out of his face, but I’m too furious to do that.

“You’re impossible”, I say while I get up and leave the tavern. But I can’t help to feel a wave of warmth and tenderness. He’s smiling again. I made him smile, to have a reason to live. I feel proud of it.

But I’m going to take my time with that bath. And after that, I’m going have a stroll to gather some elfroot for Haakan, to compensate him for having washed all his precious slime out of my hair and my clothes. So I will give Kyle time to worry and to wonder why am I so late, and maybe to consider seriously the idea that I may have been kidnapped by bandits, just because he was too coward to have a second bath with me....